Ironically Ironic: On Communication
It’s pretty ironic how easier and more frequent for people to utter words of gratitude, extend compliments, appreciation, and express love or apologies to each other through a medium like short message system (SMS or texting), electronic mail, online chatting, or through snail mailed letters, than in a face-to-face communication.
In my Critical Thinking Class back in college at BYUH, I was very reserved, refusing to participate in class discussion. I barely even talked to my professor; Bro. Compton, who was at the same time my dean.
One time I needed to take a make-up exam from his class so I sent him an email, asking for permission and explaining why I failed to take his exam within the allotted days. My email consisted of about two short paragraphs.
Later in class, he shared an in-depth thought. He wondered why some people could more freely express their thoughts using a certain medium, like a computer, than with a natural person-to-person conversation. I was struck by his statement sensing that it was me he was referring to. Then my thoughts flowed along with his. Recalling my 150-word email compared to some or none when I’m in his class, indeed he had a profound point.
Bro. Compton even added another irony with people working in school offices who pick up the phone the moment it rings – perhaps on the second or even on the very first ring, at time rushing to do so. Even if there’s someone physically present who actually made effort to be at the office, the one over the phone is given more attention, importance, and priority. The person present waits while they accommodate the other one on the line.
Upon hearing this critical thought, I landed into a bright idea of exercising my fingers instead of my feet whenever I needed information from the university’s respective offices.
On the other hand, I once had this telephone conversation with my friend Michelle from the same institution. For the record, it took us more than three hours just chit-chatting on subjects we would never dare talk about in person. We felt more comfortable and more yielding to open up our deep thoughts, feelings, and secrets – secrets never uttered when we’re physically together. To make the irony worse, she just lived next door, that time in our dormitory! Obviously, the media we made use of is unnecessary!
Likewise in chatting or in texting, two persons could go on and on unaware of the passing of time – not to mention the topics of their communication; most of which are on things they don’t normally talk about in person.
I think this irony in communication has something to do with a physical barrier between two people eliminating some possible discomforts of personal chatting – eye contact, facial expression, and body language. It also spares the two parties from rejection, disgust, awkwardness and even shame. The device between them, be it a computer, cellphone, or telephone, also camouflages deficiencies in communication skills; and if one is self-conscious, it is a total physical facade. Sometimes time and distance are not an obstacle; it’s just that it’s usually more comfortable to speak to someone using a medium. Communication using a medium when unneeded offers convenience for escape. It is way easier to say “gtg” when you really have to log off, (or when you just want to cut short the conversation, or you have some invalid reasons), or “brb” (but never returned).
Knowing our culture as Filipinos makes me think of another possible root for this ironic communication. We are very reserved when it comes to our deep feelings; compared to more liberated races as the Americans who are so extrovert. Our being conservative also augments this phenomenon. How often do say good words to our families and friends personally? Maybe it’s not that often compared to uttering kind words through the phone, cellphone, computer, or even through hand-written letters and notes.
This paradoxical communication, I sense, is more prone to misunderstanding since it eliminates one vital component of good and effective communication—voice tone. It also deteriorates the natural way of communication, the one without any gadget in between. Bottom line is: ”Thank you,” “I am sorry,” “I love your skirt,” “You look beautiful today,” “I appreciate you,” “I miss you,” “Good luck,” and “I love you” are sweeter when said and heard in person; coupled with a good tone of voice, sincere communicating eyes, plus a soft stroke on the back or a good tap on the shoulder.
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People eventually realized the need so I guess that is why some people invented the emoticons.
It’s amazing how many people spent lots of their time in front of the computer. Like you said, it’s ironic.
hehehe.. i remember chit! wasn’t it 5 hrs? it was a ton of fun! with you it doesn’t matter if it’s over the web, phone, paper or face to face, i’d still be able to tell you anything. you’re one of the persons i enjoy talking to… it’s just so fun and easy!